After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
