the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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