He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
