some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
