Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
accomplished twins. life is a go
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
