So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
