just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
