we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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