i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
