He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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