DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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