She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
