Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
