Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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