You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
