you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
