remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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