Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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