that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
