last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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