I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
