he shaved USA in his pubs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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