I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
