Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
