I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
