Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
