After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
