Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
