i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize