theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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