he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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