Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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