Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
