can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
