she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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