How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
