my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
