i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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