If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
