I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
