these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
