Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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