The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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