She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
