I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
