with your own penis?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
4 words: hood of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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