Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
