I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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