I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
COCAINE IS GR8
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
