I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
