I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
