Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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