If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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