He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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