I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
