Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
