the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
