god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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