she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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