i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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