yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
too bad you live with your parents still
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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