We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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