I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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