Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
