My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He shit in the fireplace
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
