Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and she was petting her beer can
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
