I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
