How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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