i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
