sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
