Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
