he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
