The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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