we're making bets on your personal life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
