Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
