i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
